Kim Kardashian Peaked With Break The Internet

Kim Kardashian Peaked With Break The Internet

Kim Kardashian’s time may hopefully be up.

I was surprised.  I shouldn’t have been.  But I was.

When I first saw the photo of Kim Kardashian’s naked derrière — glistening from what I could only hope was baby oil — gracing the cover of Paper Magazine, I admit that I thought it was fake.   It was so big.

How could it be that big?

The proportions were cartoonish and I assumed that someone, most likely while high, had gotten crazy with Photoshop and put Kim’s head on a photo of a naked model and then blew the backside up like a balloon.  Okay, two balloons.

I also momentarily had the preposterous notion that the Kim Kardashian I knew would never pose for such a crass photo.  That the woman who leaked her own sex video would have higher standards for herself.  But to my amazement, it turned out that the photo was real.

I learned this from the wall-to-wall Kim Kardashian coverage — I call it Kimcuv for short – that bombarded me at every turn.

Kim Kardashian – I Exist Therefore I Exist

Typical of the coverage was an article from ABC News (yes, the news department) entitled “Why Kim Kardashian Decided to Show Full-Frontal Nudity.”

My mind raced with potential answers to that provocative question.

Was it to raise awareness of the plight of the homeless? Nah, probably not.

Perhaps to bring attention to the atrocities being committed by ISIS in the Middle East right now?  Yeah, pretty sure that wasn’t it.

Maybe to self-aggrandize and push some sort of product?  I felt I was getting warmer, but ultimately it turned out I was wrong.

Mickey Boardman, Paper’s editor, explained that it was Kardashian’s idea to “break the Internet.”

He continued, “And it was her idea to take off her clothes and show more than her butt. But we didn’t say, ‘Let’s do a cover with your butt hanging out.’ She said she was willing to take her clothes off and one thing led to another.”

That’s the type of answer I should have expected; vapid, uninspired, and frankly, lazy.

In this same article I not only learned that, yes, it was in fact oil on her butt, but also, how it got there.

“It was the makeup artist,” who put the oil on, Boardman said. “It was someone who she works with a lot so she felt comfortable.”

I’m not sure there is any world that exists in which I ever get to the point of feeling comfortable when a makeup artist smears oil on my ass.

In another article I was told that the photos from the spread were actually not crass, but art.  This is because they were taken by legendary French photographer Jean-Paul Goude.  Yes, the Jean-Paul Goude.

As if having Francis Ford Coppola behind the camera would have made Kim and Ray J’s video cinema verité.

Turn out the Lights and for the Love of God Let It Be over

Though making fun of the Kardashians has become national pastime, there’s no sport in it anymore.  It’s become too easy.  Too hacky.  Anyone with any self-worth should feel dirty taking part in the activity.  In fact after this I’ll be crying in the shower as I scrub myself down with a wire brush.

I don’t begrudge Kim her fame.  Nor her fortune.  I just don’t want to see or hear about her anymore.  Why is it that we can land a spaceship on a comet, but we can’t create a content filter for those of us who wish to remove the Kardashians from our lives?  What good is technology anyway?

My hope is that the world’s fascination with Kim Kardashian has peaked.  In the stock market, no matter how hot a stock is or how long its run has lasted, at some point it becomes so saturated with buyers that there is nobody else left to buy it.  It’s then that a top is formed and the stock comes crashing back to earth.

The media frenzy around #BreakTheInternet feels like we are reaching a saturation point.  That there is nobody left to buy into the Kim Kardashian saga.  I mean, where does she go from here?  What else could she possibly do to hold our attention?

Don’t answer that, please!

I can hope though, given that fact that the likes of Nicole Ritchie and Kim’s former BFF Paris Hilton — herself a veteran of the leaked sex tape — have thankfully drifted into semi-obscurity.  At least enough so that for all intents and purposes they don’t exist in my life anymore.

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

In Which I Tweet’eth The Mid-Term Elections

I hate both parties and I am an equal opportunity piler-oner.  But since this time it was the Dems turn to get their asses kicked, well, let the tweets fall where they may….

Tune-in in 2016 when the GOP gets their turn.

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

How To Win A Complete Trading Library


There is an oft repeated expression – made famous in the Malcolm Gladwell book “Outliers” — that says you need 10,000 hours of practice to achieve mastery of any given field.  That’s a lot of time.

Take trading for example.  Even if you practiced for 6.5 hours every day the market was open, according to Gladwell, it would take you 6.15 years to get to the level of expertise where you could make a living at it.

As human beings we naturally want things faster.  As traders we want them now.  Unfortunately there is no short cut to becoming a master trader, but there are some hacks that can expedite the process somewhat.  And that’s where The Lund Loop giveaway comes in.

I am giving one lucky winner a complete trading library of books — my trading library in fact.  These are the same books I used to learn about the markets and trading, and if you are a novice, these are also the same books that can shave months, if not years off your learning curve.

Even if you are an advanced trader, these 25 books will be a great addition to your own library.  Here are the books I am giving away…

UPDATE:  The generous people over at McGraw-Hill have added 5 titles to the giveaway bringing the total number of books to 30;

  1. Market Wizards by Jack Schwager
  2. The New Market Wizards by Jack Schwager
  3. Stock Market Wizards – Interviews with America’s Top Stock Market Traders by Jack Schwager
  4. How to Make Money in Stocks (4th ed) by William O’Neil
  5. How to Make Money Selling Stocks Short by William O’Neil
  6. 24 Essential Lessons for Investment Success by William O’Neil
  7. The Successful Investor by William O’Neil
  8. Reminiscences of a Stock Operator  (Annotated w/ Foreward by Paul Tudor Jones) by Edwin Lefevre
  9. Trade Like a Hedge Fund by James Altucher
  10. Backstage Wallstreet by Josh Brown
  11. The StockTwits Edge by Howard Lindzon
  12. Trading Options Using Technical Analysis – Greg Harmon
  13. The Trading Book by Anne-Marie Baiynd
  14. The Trading Book Study Guide by Anne-Marie Baiynd
  15. The 5 Secrets To Highly Profitable Swing Trading by Ivaylo Ivanov
  16. Candlestick Charting Explained by Gregory Morris
  17. Getting Started in Chart Patterns by Thomas Bulkowski
  18. Millionaire Traders by Kathy Lien
  19. Techniques of Tape Reading by Vadym Graifer
  20. The Complete Turtle Trader by Michel Covel
  21. The Disciplined Trader by Mark Douglas
  22. Trading In The Zone by Ari Kiev
  23. How I Trade Options by Jon Najarian
  24. Laughing at Wall Street by Chris Camillo
  25. The Intelligent Option Investor by Erik Kobayashi-Solomon
  26. The Complete Guide to Option Selling by Michael Gross
  27. Dual Momentum Investing by Gary Antonocci
  28. Money by Steve Forbes
  29. No One Loves Your Money Like You Do by James Jackson
  30. Surprise Book #23 -TBD

That comes out to over $750 worth of trading and investing books.

So how can you win all 25 books?  It’s simple, just click the contest link below to enter.  And once you’ve entered you will have an opportunity to increase the odds of winning in your favor even more.  It’s all reward, no risk, the type of set up every trader dreams of.


Good Luck!

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

What To Do Right Now In The Stock Market


A few weeks back I warned that we might be seeing signs of topping in the market.  Whether or not we have seen the top is an open question and won’t be determined for a long time.  However, the recent volatility has unnerved a lot of investors who are worried that a crash might be coming soon.

Tomorrow in The Lund Loop I am going to tell you exactly what you can do right now in the market to minimize your risk, but more importantly, maximize your potential upside.

You can subscribe for free by just clicking this link.  As an added bonus, just for subscribing you will receive a free copy of my book “Trading: The Best of the Best – Top Tips for Our Times,” which contains over 200 trading and investing tips from 60 of the smartest people you will ever meet.

See you tomorrow.


Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

Satan Wants You To Buy These Stocks


Everyone knows that each time a share of $AAPL is bought, another angel gets his wings.  But what about the other side of that equation? What about buying those “sin stocks” that Satan himself probably owns?

I’ve got a piece up this morning on AOL’s Daily Finance that explains why from a financial, moral, and pragmatic standpoint you SHOULD be buying these types of stocks.  And not just the obvious suspects. Sin stocks don’t just announce themselves with tickers like $DETH, $HELL, or $CNCR, so I’ve got a whole Sodom and Gomorah-ish list to check out.  Just click the link below.

Even The Righteous Should Invest in Sin

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

Why You Never Say Never In The Stock Market

Robert Downey Jr.

Investing may be your passion, but the process — the analytical process you need to find winners — should never fall prey to the trap of sentimentality, or worse yet, nostalgia.

This is where investing and art part ways.

As Americans we love our art, which in this modern world really means television.  With six-hundred channels to choose from we stalk our content with a retardedly keen eye, curating out that which resonates deepest in our soul, and throwing the rest away as if the chaff of the craft.

We binge watch our favorite shows, infusing an immediate and intense relationship with our favorite characters.  We love them — often more so than the material figures in our lives — exulting in their triumphs and despairing with their failures.  It is a part of our human condition, which forgets the line between art and reality.

Not so long ago I found myself in the restroom of an office building, standing in front of a waterless urinal which had recently been installed.  I turned to the right and remarked to my colleague standing next to me;

“Do they really expect these things to catch on?  The smell is awful.”

“Well they are supposed to cut down on water use.  It’s all a part of a drive to make the building more green,” he said.

“It sounds like they want to make it more yellow,” I replied, my Shakespearian wit going into overdrive.

“They’ll never go for it,” came the reply from my left.

“Who?” I said, turning to face the author of these comments

“The unions.  They will never go for it.  These waterless urinals mean no plumbing.  No plumbing, no work for the plumber’s union.  They will never go for it.”

The author of these comments was a forty-something man, who despite his scraggly beard, unkempt hair, and baseball cap pulled low across his brow, could not hide a somewhat boyish face.  There was a familiarity in his eyes that I could not immediately place.

“Right,” I said.  “The unions. They will never let them get away with this.”

“Besides,” he continued.  “They make the place smell like piss.”

We all laughed and small talk was exchanged as we washed our hands and made our way out into the hall.  Turning away from the stranger, I looked at my colleague and almost immediately, as he said, “Do you know who that was?” realized in fact who I had been talking to just a moment earlier about urinal politics.

“Luke Perry,” I said.

“Luke Perry,” he replied.

Imagine a time before the internet, before social media, and before six hundred channels of cable pumped content into our homes 24/7/365.  A time known as 1990, when there were only three and a half real television networks, and if you were on one of them with a hit show, you were a true superstar.

And Luke Perry was a superstar.  Playing the role of the ever brooding Dillon on the seminal show “Beverly Hills 90210,” he reached a level of fame that you could only imagine today if Robert Patterson and Justin Bieber were mutated in some horrible industrial accident into the cutest vampire pop star that ever lived.  It’s too dreamy to even imagine.

He was white-hot.  Every girl wanted to sleep with him and every boy wanted to be him.  But when his show ended, effectively so did his career.  Now he is the answer to a Trivial Pursuit question.   A Twitter punchline at best.

This is where art and investing reconnect.  Stars, once fallen, traditionally never rise again.  And stocks, particularly momentum stocks, once broken, do not return to their glory days.

The overwhelming exception to this rule seems to be $NFLX.  A stock which rose 600% in a little over two years and then lost 83% of it’s value in the following year.  This stock should, like Luke Perry’s career, be dead and buried.

History is full of momentum darlings that crashed and burned and have never recovered.  $CSCO, $BRCM, $BBRY, and $POT immediately come to mind.  That is the way it has always been.  Like a financial law.  So has it been written, so shall it be done.

But this bull market is changing the rules.  Stocks like $NFLX are not only resurrecting themselves, but surpassing their previous glory.  Look around.

$QCOM, a 90’s internet bubble casualty is getting dangerously near its all-time highs.  $TASR, a one-time momentum favorite in the early 2000’s is about 33% off its all-time high.  Doesn’t sound too impressive until you realize that from its peak at one point it had lost 99.992% of it’s value.

This market is so powerful that it has done the near impossible.  It has turned “Luke Perry” stocks into “Robert Downey Jr.” stocks.

I don’t know if this is a good sign or bad sign for the future prospects of this market, but it is sure more interesting to talk about than waterless urinals.

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

Tweetlights Of The Week

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

There Is Nothing You Can Learn From George Soros

Geroge Soros Market Wizard

Earlier this week the Irish Times ran a piece celebrating the 84th birthday of one of the most successful — and arguably, most well-known — investors of the last century, George Soros.  (Hat-tip to my friend Josh Brown).

Soros’ prowess in the markets is legendary, so much so that deconstructing his process in order to learn the secret to his success has become a cottage industry in financial circles.  In the world of  “Market Wizards,” Soros is Saruman.  Tolkien baby…look it up.

However, in the Times’ article, his son Robert demystified the source of the Elder Soros’ alchemy in such a simple and definitive way that it may drive market historians to acts of self-immolation.

Apparently It all comes down to a pain.  In the back to be specific.

According to his son, Robert, Soros’s trading was always influenced by more than reflexivity. “My father will sit down and give you theories to explain why he does this or that”, he once said, “but I remember seeing it as a kid and thinking, ‘Jesus Christ, at least half of this is bullshit’.

“I mean, you know [that] the reason he changes his position on the market or whatever is because his back starts killing him. It has nothing to do with reason. He literally goes into a spasm and it’s this early warning sign.”

Soros has admitted to relying greatly on “animal instincts”, saying the onset of acute pain was often “a signal that there was something wrong in my portfolio”.

His decisions, then, “are really made using a combination of theory and instinct”.

That’s right.  Though you and I did our damnedest to read between the lines and glean some sort of insight from The Alchemy of Finance in the 80’s and again with Soros on Soros in the 90’s, it was all for naught.  Now we know the true source of this modern-day Tim The Enchanter’s genius.  Monty Python baby…..look it up.

This revelation might tempt some of you to adopt the same market style as Mr. Soros, a view I wholeheartedly endorse, as long as the profile fits.  It’s easy to see if a spasm based methodology is right for you by answering a few simple questions.

  1. Are you a passionate student of the market?
  2. Are you open to considering a wide range of investment themes?
  3. Have you ever booked a $1 billion dollar single-day profit by breaking a sovereign bank?
  4. Did you marry a 41-year junior third wife on your $22 million dollar Westchester estate while Paul Tudor Jones and Julian Robertson looked on?
  5. Have you booked over $40 billion in cumulative profits?
  6. Do you have a full head of hair well into your eighth decade on this planet?

If you answered “Yes” to 5 out of 6 of those questions, then by all means, adopt the “discomfort” approach to your investments.  Let your back pain, your trick knee, or even your throbbing headache from the 13 Jack and Cokes you threw back at the bar last night be the guide to your entries and exits.

For the rest of us who move in more mortal circles we will try to use objective, data driven, risk averse methods to move our thousands, and if lucky, millions, in and out of the market.  We’ll try not to let our fear nor our greed drive our decision-making process, and ascribe that pain in our back simply to less than optimal ergonomic choices in our office furniture.

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

What if everything your parents taught you were salty snack filled lies?

Bugles-50years-1You ever get the sense that your parents lied to you?  Not trivial lies about the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus.  Serious lies.  Ones that have the potential to effect your health and well-being, as well as that of your children.

I get that sense every third Monday when I enter St. Columbine’s gymnasium cum bingo parlor.  My presence there is part of the price I pay for sending my kids to private school — mandatory volunteering for parents.

It’s not so bad.  The people who run it are the salt of the Earth and the elderly players who show up each week are charming in their own way.  But they are fucking liars.

Once they get behind the gymnasium doors they repudiate everything they taught their children while growing up.  I watch in horror each week as bag upon bag of dirty, salty, and often flaming hot lies spill forth from their backpacks and macrame’ shoulder sacks.

I was told growing up that junk food was bad for me.  That if I ate too much of it, my teeth would fall out. That I would get morbidly fat.  And at some point, my arterial veins would be so blocked up with plaque that my heart would explode out of my chest, knocking anyone in its path into unconsciousness.

Yet these folks, these bingo loving Baby Boomers, from the same generation as my parents, from start to finish, shove some of the most heinous crap down their gullets without even blinking an eye.  I’m talking the hard stuff.

They don’t just do Funyuns, they do Chile Limon flavored Funyuns.

Doritos?  Get the fuck outta here!  Nachos Pisco Habanero Rolled Doritos bitch!

If it ain’t Ranch Dipped, Flamin’ Hot, or Jacked, they don’t want to know about it.

In fact, even the most wholesome of snacks, Cracker Jacks, has been mutated into some perverted and “extreme” derivation.

Cracker Jacks — no, sorry, “Jack’D” with a capital “D” — now come in Cheddar BBQ, Zesty Queso, Spicy Pizzaria, and Buffalo Ranch flavors.

OH…..THE…..HUMANITY!!!  Let’s just admit it!  Al Qaeda has already won!

How many other mothers and fathers of Gen X’ers like me are meeting at bingo halls, craft fairs, and “wine tasting events” and secretly pounding down this crap?

All this stuff is bad, but the demon seed of this Snackocalypse is the one they call “Bugles.”

According to the General Mills snack blog — yes, you heard that right, the General Mills snack blog — Bugles were the first cone-shaped corn snack.  It’s origins pre-date the cell phone, personal computers, and even man’s landing on the moon.  From the blog;

Fifty years ago, Bugles was actually among a trio of new General Mills snacks that represented our entry into the snack food market. And we’ve never looked back, as our snack portfolio has since grown wider and more diverse.

Back then, Bugles’ snack siblings were Whistles – a cheddar-flavored corn product in the shape of a whistle and “taste like grilled cheese on toast, only crunchy”; and Daisy’s – a flower-shaped snack that had the flavor of “puffed popovers.”

While Whistles and Daisy’s went by the wayside within just a few years, Bugles outlasted them and many other snacks that General Mills introduced.

But as with all cutting edge innovations, technology drove the evolution of Bugles onward and upward over the ensuing years.

No longer must you be content with putting pedestrian style salted corn flavored cones on your fingertips. Now you can put Chile con Queso, Salt & Vinegar, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Sweet & Salty Caramel, and even Crazed Southwest Ranch style Bugles on your digits.  Yes, you heard me right.  Not regular Ranch, but CRAZED SOUTHWEST RANCH!  That’s crazy!

God only knows what style of Whistles and Daisies we would be enjoying right now had they survived?

It’s hard when you find out that everything you have been taught, every ounce of belief you held sacred is just a pack of lies, perpetrated upon you by those you trusted most.

Sure, my mom puts up a good front these days, stocking her pantry with low sodium Triscuits, organic gluten-free pretzels, and Popchips, but I’m no longer an extreme snack newbie.  If she suddenly starts hitting a pottery class or begins hanging out at the “senior center,” I’ll be watching.

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.

Insert Generic Robin Williams Tribute Here

Robin Williams

Robin Williams died this week.  He’s still dead.  It still sucks.  And like clockwork, the tributes poured in.

The most interesting one came from Jay Thomas.  You know Jay.  Don’t you?  Sure you do.  He played the beloved character Remo DaVinci for a season and a half on Mork & Mindy.

So basically, the sitcom equivalent of The Great Gazoo on The Flintstones.

Jay weighed in with this heartfelt quote:

“I don’t know anyone that knew Robin Williams. He kept you at bay.”

Cool. A keen insight from someone who knew Robin Williams as an intimate, a friend.  He continued;

“I don’t think I would have known Robin any better if we’d been pals for 30 years, than I did in the 3 years I spent with him.”


So Jay hasn’t seen Robin Williams for 30 years and yet he feels compelled to weigh in, not on only his death, but his ability to form lasting relationships.

Let’s do the math.  You don’t think anyone can really know Robin Williams Jay, but you haven’t known him for 30 years?

Here’s some more math.  The closer a friend was to Robin Williams, the less they have said about his passing.

Billy Crystal:  “No Words.”

Bobcat Goldthwait: “Thank you for all your love and kindness.”

Kevin Pollak: “1991, my first one-hour HBO stand-up special and my HERO and selfless friend did me a HUGE, unforgettable solid….”

Jay, here is a tip.  Next time the press approaches you to give a quote about a recently deceased icon whom you knew in passing, three decades ago, just say, “I’m sorry, I’m not qualified to comment.”

Choo, choo….choo, choo….

Hey, what’s that sound?  Looks like the train back to obscurity is leaving.  Hop on Jay!

And if you just have to shoot your mouth off, take a cue from Dana Gould on how to do it with class;


Two years ago, I was performing at The Punchline in San Francisco, and Robin came to the show with our mutual friend, Dan Spencer.

This particular batch of material was the first time I had touched upon my then still-fresh divorce wounds, and big chunks of it were pretty dark. The next day, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize. Whoever it was had obviously been to the show and knew my number, so I figured they would reveal themselves at some point and save me the embarrassment of asking who they were.

The Mystery Texter asked how I was REALLY doing. “You can’t fool me. Some of those ‘jokes’ aren’t ‘jokes.” By now I knew that whoever this was had been through what I was enduring, as no one else would know to ask, “What time of day is the hardest?”

He wanted to know how my kids were handling it, all the while assuring me that the storm, as bleak as it was, would one day pass and that I was not, as I was then convinced, a terrible father for visiting a broken home upon my children.

I am not rewriting this story in retrospect to make it dramatic. I did not know who I was texting with. Finally, my phone blipped, and I saw, in a little green square, “Okay, pal. You got my number. Call me. I’ve been there. You’re going to be okay. – Robin.”

That is what you call a human being.

Brilliant stuff like this rains down like..well, rain, on my stream during the week. If you want to get wet, follow me on Twitter and StockTwits. You can also pick up my book Trading – The Best of the Best: Top Trading Tips For Our Times by clicking here.