CNBC was nice enough to have me on as a guest on yesterday’s “Tomorrow in 30:” segment on the “Closing Bell with Maria Bartiromo.”
I admit I was a bit apprehensive about doing my first ever live television shot, but that increased to “nervousness” once I saw the setup at the studio. It was literally the definition of “flying blind.”
The were no monitors at all. Not of me. Not of the host. Not of the guests. I was in a darkened room with only two diffused spotlights directed at me and an audio feed in my ear. There wasn’t even one of those red lights on top of the camera to tell you when you were live.
Suffice to say my mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts as the countdown to Maria saying, “Brian, you’re up. 30 seconds on the clock, what do you want to look at?” commenced. They went roughly like this….
10 seconds……Hah, now all my prom dates will definitely be sorry they didn’t sleep with me.
9 seconds……..Only 3,564 more appearances before I catch up with that damn Josh Brown.
8 seconds……..Hmmm, perhaps I should edit out the “I’m getting long wood, ya know, lumber…” joke from my spot.
7 seconds……..Note to self, try not to say “Shitty Bank” while on air.
6 seconds…….How long until a producer comes in yelling, “wait…wait, he’s just a loud-mouth with a blog. Cut, cut…..good God CUUUUTTTT…!!!!!”
5 seconds……..I wonder which the viewers will vote as more distracting, my big nose, large forehead, or Dumbo ears?
4 seconds……..Can Snooki ever really find true happiness without a man in her life?
3 seconds……..I’m starting to relate to the “sweating scene” with Albert Brooks in “Broadcast News.”
2 seconds……….Did they really think they could swap Dick York out for Dick Sargent and we wouldn’t notice?
1 second………..What the hell was I going to say again????
I have to dock myself points for bad enunciation, “winking” at the camera, and not being more dynamic. I think it rated a “C+.”
If there is a “next time” I’ll know the routine and hopefully turn in a better performance.