I’m Pretty Sure This Is One Of The Signs Of The Apocalypse.

I’m not really a big reader of the of Bible, but I do know that in the Book of Revelation there is talk of signs for the coming Apocalypse.  I’m not 100% sure but I vaguely remember something about “the mixing of ice cream, bacon syrup, and a cherry” as being one of them.

If that is the case, we should be seeing the Four Horsemen coming around the bend anytime now, and in their bony hands I’m pretty sure they will be holding this….

The “Bacon Shake” by Jack in the Box.

I mean did Clint Eastwood know about this when he filmed that “Halftime in America” commercial?  Because if he did I think it would have been more like, “Hey, we’re in double overtime here people, and the clock is about to run out.”

Following in the long American tradition of culinary excesses like the “doughnut hamburger” and the “deep-fried Twinkie”, the bacon shake clocks in at a dainty 773 calories.  A six-pack of these puppies could sustain a factory of Chinese iPod workers for a week.

Seriously, how would something like this play in the slums of Calcutta or the most impoverished areas of Africa?

Father, Father…..I have heard great stories of a food in the West that is part milk of the cow, part essence of pig, and part fruit of the blossoming tree.

Son, these are fantastic tales you speak of.  Have you been talking to the crazy witch doctor who lives in the cave?

No Father, I heard it from the volunteers at the mission.  It is true, and is a great and wonderous thing.

Oh my dear son I wish it were so, but a country would have to be so prosperous, so well off, with technology beyond our wildest dream, to even be able to think of creating such a magical elixir.

Look, our government may be screwed up, we may be going through some tough economic times, and we aren’t yet sure how to take care of those in need in our own county…..but we must have it pretty damn good here in the US of A if we have the luxury of inventing things like the bacon shake.

My understanding is that the bacon shake is only available for a limited time, and it’s “off the menu” so you will have to ask for it special.  Just make sure when you do, you keep an eye out in the distance for any signs of fire and brimstone coming over the horizon.

Subscribe to bclund.com Via E-mail or Via RSS

(Note: If you are new to my blog, I post about all sorts of things.  Sometimes it involves something extremely personal, like creating a 30K baby or my Monster Trades.  Other times it deals with hot ex-porn stars who trade stocks.  And sometimes it’s about how to avoid “suicide”.  But a good place to start is The Best of bclund.  If you like what you read, please tell a friend.  If you don’t, please tell two friends.)




  • Pingback: A Perfect Compliment For Your Bacon Milkshake. | bclund()

  • I think I’m going to hurl. But I do like their new logo.

  • RichL

    Don’t trouble yourself.

    The people who eat this are a self-liquidating problem.

  • Pingback: Friday Breakfast Links | Points and Figures()

  • Nils

    That’s disgusting. I nearly dropped my glass of bacon grease.

  • betty

    Some twisted part of me thinks there is a reality show in here somewhere… Teams of contestants traveling to impoverished lands to deliver bacon shakes and doughnut burgers to malnourished tribesmen and filming the results.

    Or, I guess we could just mail them the goods. In these:

  • i want!

    • betty

      Aren’t bacon shakes Jewish porn?

  • great source of potassium!!!

    i just set down some bacon infused vodka to “infuse” a few days ago. for real.

    • bclund

      Hmm….that is interesting, but not a big vodka drinker myself. Now if you were making bacon infused beer……:)

      • from my research, many have tried but few have succeeded

  • See, I see the “bacon shake” as a sign of how bad things are here…


    • bclund

      Yes, but then you are a “bacon shake half-empty” type of guy 🙂

  • Thats pretty gross I have to say.